Changes

There has been a wind of change in my life these days. New position at work- I am out of the classroom for the first time in 11 years and though I really miss the direct connection with the kids I am loving my new job as well. I am in charge of the English Language Learners- I get to monitor their placement, help provide support for their teachers, model lessons and all sorts of other things. I do a lot of sign language and acting things out- basically making a fool out of myself trying to communicate but I am loving it because I am good at it- the fool part that is! I am seeing the staff from a completely different perspective and not liking that so much- people that I really enjoyed working with before do some crazy things in their classrooms that I don't respect or understand. People warned me that being in the office would be different and they weren't joking! I am actually getting the chance to work very closely with some really incredible teachers and I feel like I am able to help some others to at least learn to deal with the non-English speakers but there are some that I truely think hate kids- what is that about, how can you do this job and not like or want the best for kids???!!!?!?!? I just don't get it- the vacations are great, the actual contract hours are great but teaching is hard, it is draining, it is thankless, you take it all home and worry night and day about the kids and what you are able to do for them. I LOVE IT or I just couldn't do it so I can't understand those that are there for a paycheck. God help them because I would think that damaging a child reaps some heavy consequence.
I had a crying mom in my office today telling me about her son who she thinks was molested by her husband- the child is severly depressed and isn't coming to school. I had this young man as a student 2 years ago and really enjoyed him, I gave the mom the best advice I could, tried to encourage her to seek professional help, got the counselor to come in and give her referrals for good counseling agencies, and I have prayed for them to be healed. The problem is that I also offered to go get the kid when he doesn't come to school- the mom agreed but when she left I found out that I am not able to do that- I should have known that i am not allowed to drive kids around (of course I am the taxi during b-ball season) but this is different. I should have known that I don't want to put myself in a position of being alone with a male student, I should have known so much but my need to help clouded my judgement. I now have to call the mom and tell her that there is basically nothing I can do to help her get her son to school- we don't do that is what I was told by the admins. It is hard for me to swallow- we are not able to do good things for kids because we are not able to save them from their lives, we fear law suits and accusations, we don't have the power to change the evil many of them go home to. Again I say God help these people because I think there are horrible consequences to damaging a child!!
Oops- I guess that was bugging me more than I realized- I forgot to go along with my theme of changes.
I am also putting my house up for sale at the end of this week. I have decided that it is about time to move to the other side of town where the majority of my life is conducted. I have a dream of opening my new house up for dinner once a week and inviting all of the people I hang out with from work. I am dreaming that God will transform a weekly dinner into a House Church of non-Christians and that they will come to know God and seek His will in their lives. I pray that I will get to be a part of that!
My sister and I are also training for the half marathon= running sucks but I am really trying to get my butt moving! I got an iPod armband for my birthday so that has helped- I need to find some more upbeat music though, I find myself skipping lots of songs I have on there because they are too mellow= makes me want to slow down or stop, well actually just the fact that I am running makes me want to slow down or stop. I have always done sports that required me to run but without a ball I find running rather hellish. Why the marathon then... because I can and it is good for me and because my friend Liz ran the whole thing last year and she looks great!! Weight loss potential is a great motivator!!
Whew- I'm exhausted, maybe this is why I don't update this thing very often!!

Oh the Places We Go...

I am currently in Williams, AZ with friends from school. I am so blessed to have people that I can travel with that I love and enjoy and we all can travel and see the area without any pressure or conflict. We took the train to the Grand Canyon and I absolutely loved seeing it again and it just made me question how anyone in their right mind could ever see such beauty and still question the existence on God- it could not just be an accident!!!
We have had quite an experience here in Williams- we are in a great bed and breakfast but the manager is quite a character- he has added to the experience for sure but instead of being afraid I had to remind myself to pray for him and to see the future when he will know God and choose to follow him.
I love these people that I am with- such great friend, they take care of me and put up with me and many times I question that but then the Lord reminds me that He has given me so much, none of which should be taken for granted, and that I need to be thankful and content. I want my friends to know the Lord as their savior but I am not sure how to make that happen. then I realize that it isn't my responsibility- my job is to love and pray that I can love with God's wisdom and not my own.
This weekend has been so great since i just started a new job and I have no idea what I am doing- I am trying and I really am loving working with the kids in new ways. I am mourning not being in my classroom but I think if I can make a difference in another way it will be worth the change and the mourning.
There is an ebb and flow in my life when it comes to my singleness. Sometimes I am fine, others I am lonely and many times I am able to recognize my loniness but i understand the futility of being sad about it. i have to believe that I am where God wants me to be- He has me single for a reason and for that I am thankful. I am in a bottom spot of that ebb and flow and I am obsessing over one particular person and I am praying that God will take that infatuation away from me so I can move on. As always I am praying that i am able to just be thankful, thankful for all that I have which is A LOT and that I would stop worrying about what I want or think I should need.
Though I know I am a screw up= I know that I am always messing up life, messing up my witness to others, and I know that I talk too much, listen too little and feel arogant and ridiculous at school far too often.. Lord forgive me. I pray that you will now as you have always done, redeem me and the things I do!
Thanks be to God for all of your creation adn for showing me beauty when you know I need to see you!