What, it's almost Christmas? I have my shopping done because that is my favorite thing ever-- shopping for others, but I have NO decoration up-- how sad-- I think I am the grinch in the neighborhood. I think, well maybe it is too late and I should just forget it this year but I have Mo coming to house sit and wouldn't she like some Christmas cheer?? So now that school is out, my schedule is clear other than church and b-ball practice I am going to tackle a fake tree and some plastic candy canes! The tree will have to go on the table this year because of the wild puppy but hey what is Christmas without a few broken ornaments and a bit of tackiness??
I can't wait to go home and spoil my nephews and my niece! I really love the chance to pray over them while they sleep-- there is something powerful in that and it really helps me to be encouraged about their future and what God has in store for them! I pray that I will see them in Heaven and that we will get to work together for God's glory in the future. I pray that for my family as well (the adults) but they would freak if they found me in their rooms at night!! ;)
I had a sad moment the other day where I almost cried in Starbucks-- I had been out with people from work to celebrate my principal's promotion and everyone else had to get home to family or spouse-- when asked what I was going to do-- "go home I guess". Being alone stinks sometimes!!
I'm off to Christmas up this place!
Sunday, December 18, 2005
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Has it been that long?
I haven't written much lately- soo much going on, going out of town to visit friends or with friends, basketball starting- I am coaching again. I love my life- school is almost too easy this sememster but that is a good thing because I sold my prep hour and am busy as could be! I am reading and learning more and more about the realities of a life following Jesus- He will comfort when we mourn, he will be our foundation when storms hit, he will touch us in our uncleanliness-- all of this indicates a difficult life with great reward-- am I ready, am I willing, am I holding on to the hope that being a Christian is like a magic bean that makes life easier??? All good questions, ones I feel like I should have asked oh so long ago but perhaps now is the season when I am ready to face reality... I pray that is so, I feel that by shying away from the storm or trying to manipulate my way out of it I am missing the reward. Oh God please help me to let go of my comfort and reach out for yours!
I am continually praying about living what seems like an extraordinary life to some in another land but when you think about it our extraordinary life is just someone elses ordinary- I pray that someday it will be my ordinary if that is God's will!
Must go to bed- crazy 7th graders await me in the morning, not only that but tomorrow they will be armed with glue, cotton and scissors-- is this an extraordinary life?? To some!
I am continually praying about living what seems like an extraordinary life to some in another land but when you think about it our extraordinary life is just someone elses ordinary- I pray that someday it will be my ordinary if that is God's will!
Must go to bed- crazy 7th graders await me in the morning, not only that but tomorrow they will be armed with glue, cotton and scissors-- is this an extraordinary life?? To some!
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Livin'
Well Nick went home last week- haven't heard how he is doing but I thank God that it is possible for a child to have brain surgery and go home a week and a day later. What happens now is in God's hands. The dad won't tell us what is going on and he tried to prevent us from even visiting until the surgeon told him the staff at the school visiting was what was helping Nick to recover so quickly. It is a messed up situation.
Praying for Pakistan and the victims of the earthquake last night made me realise how selfish I am-- well just one more thing to help me realise how selfish I am. I feel so little emotion for things that don't happen to me or those I know- I hate that and hope that God will give me a true sense of passion for all people and for the plight of the world.
Going through Matthew with House Church is a good thing- I really enjoy just discussing Biblical passages and love that I have to read them over and over to have anything to add to the discussion- my mind works so fast that I am not able to express what I am learning-- I need to slow down and listen to God.
Still lonely, weekends are the worst. God has a plan and I want to wait for it- that is my montra!
School is my haven- this year is fantastic- great kids, small classes, fun schedule. I don't know if it will last after the semester change but boy am I going to take advantage now!!
Praying for Pakistan and the victims of the earthquake last night made me realise how selfish I am-- well just one more thing to help me realise how selfish I am. I feel so little emotion for things that don't happen to me or those I know- I hate that and hope that God will give me a true sense of passion for all people and for the plight of the world.
Going through Matthew with House Church is a good thing- I really enjoy just discussing Biblical passages and love that I have to read them over and over to have anything to add to the discussion- my mind works so fast that I am not able to express what I am learning-- I need to slow down and listen to God.
Still lonely, weekends are the worst. God has a plan and I want to wait for it- that is my montra!
School is my haven- this year is fantastic- great kids, small classes, fun schedule. I don't know if it will last after the semester change but boy am I going to take advantage now!!
Monday, October 03, 2005
I Got To See Jesus This Weekend
One of my students who is mentally retarded has been diagnosed with a brain tumor, the parents are being sited for medical negligence, it is ugly. I spent the weekend visiting the boy and loving him and here is what I wrote when I got home on Sunday:
Once I allowed myself to process what I had been told about Nicholas I cried out to God angry, confused, frustrated, and helpless. I wanted to know how my loving Father, who loves Nicholas, could have put him in a family that wouldn’t choose to care for him the way he needed. I wanted to know that Nicholas will have a place in Heaven even though he may not know Jesus or understand what He did for him. Finally, I wanted to know how to get over my anger and judgment of the parents.
I sought answers from my church and was given some great things to think about: God is mourning with us, He wants the best for Nicholas, He didn’t force His will on the parents but rather granted them freewill, it was their choice not to care for Nicholas in his illness, his parents are made in God’s image and even though they have made damaging choices God still loves them, there will be accountability but revenge is the Lords. These are things I know about God but needed to hear through my anger
Then, my prayers to see Jesus in this whole mess were answered. I got to see Jesus in Tiffany when she sat by Nicholas’s side and showed him love by coloring with him, fighting for him, laughing with him and then handing him a “Buddy” to keep him company when he was alone. I saw Jesus in Gail as she humbly and lovingly messaged the cramps out of Nicholas’s legs and handed him a Tigger to sleep with. I saw Jesus in a nurse who was giving the parents the benefit of the doubt while asking questions of visitors that family should have been there to answer. I saw the love of Jesus in a room filled with toys, cards, and books that had been left by the many people who wanted Nicholas to feel less lonely. I saw Jesus in a friend who volunteered to keep Nicholas company even though he has never met the child. I saw Jesus in a bright and beaming smile on Nicholas’s face while he played with his new toys. And I saw the result of Jesus’ work when Nicholas’s father came in to spend the night with a boy who has been alone for so long.
The Bible says at least 4 times that God is the Father to the fatherless. He is the greatest Father we could ask for and His love outweighs all the pain of human suffering. I know that God could come to Earth again and hug and love Nicholas and heal him with a touch. I don’t think He will but I do think that He has graciously allowed us to be Jesus in the flesh to that boy, He could do it but He lets us love Nicholas for Him, He gives us the strength and desire to pick up the slack for the people who are unable to love Nicholas in the way he needs.
I feel very blessed to work with such amazing people and I am so very thankful to God that I get to see Him at work everyday in the best and worst of circumstances.
Once I allowed myself to process what I had been told about Nicholas I cried out to God angry, confused, frustrated, and helpless. I wanted to know how my loving Father, who loves Nicholas, could have put him in a family that wouldn’t choose to care for him the way he needed. I wanted to know that Nicholas will have a place in Heaven even though he may not know Jesus or understand what He did for him. Finally, I wanted to know how to get over my anger and judgment of the parents.
I sought answers from my church and was given some great things to think about: God is mourning with us, He wants the best for Nicholas, He didn’t force His will on the parents but rather granted them freewill, it was their choice not to care for Nicholas in his illness, his parents are made in God’s image and even though they have made damaging choices God still loves them, there will be accountability but revenge is the Lords. These are things I know about God but needed to hear through my anger
Then, my prayers to see Jesus in this whole mess were answered. I got to see Jesus in Tiffany when she sat by Nicholas’s side and showed him love by coloring with him, fighting for him, laughing with him and then handing him a “Buddy” to keep him company when he was alone. I saw Jesus in Gail as she humbly and lovingly messaged the cramps out of Nicholas’s legs and handed him a Tigger to sleep with. I saw Jesus in a nurse who was giving the parents the benefit of the doubt while asking questions of visitors that family should have been there to answer. I saw the love of Jesus in a room filled with toys, cards, and books that had been left by the many people who wanted Nicholas to feel less lonely. I saw Jesus in a friend who volunteered to keep Nicholas company even though he has never met the child. I saw Jesus in a bright and beaming smile on Nicholas’s face while he played with his new toys. And I saw the result of Jesus’ work when Nicholas’s father came in to spend the night with a boy who has been alone for so long.
The Bible says at least 4 times that God is the Father to the fatherless. He is the greatest Father we could ask for and His love outweighs all the pain of human suffering. I know that God could come to Earth again and hug and love Nicholas and heal him with a touch. I don’t think He will but I do think that He has graciously allowed us to be Jesus in the flesh to that boy, He could do it but He lets us love Nicholas for Him, He gives us the strength and desire to pick up the slack for the people who are unable to love Nicholas in the way he needs.
I feel very blessed to work with such amazing people and I am so very thankful to God that I get to see Him at work everyday in the best and worst of circumstances.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Assasins
I just got back from seeing "Assassins" with some friends from work- a fellow teacher was in it and much to my delight so was a person from Apex! Sean did a great job in the play though he played a super intense character. My friend from work did a fantastic job and it was fun to see that he could sing as well as act! Overall it was a great night and now I can pray God's at work in the life of my collegue through a fellow Apexer!
Better
Things seem to be looking up. I am not sure what the funk is but there is still a cloud over my head.
I was appointed Department Chair yesterday- not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I guess it will look good on a resume but really does anyone overseas care what I do here? Oh well, I have the job so I will try and do it justice.
Open House at school was a success, of course it is the best kids whose parents show- that is why they are the best kids!! It is always nice to hear that students are learning and that they enjoy my class.
Survivor- finally started and it was great! I was totally psyched about the 2 they brought back and am in a pool at work where I drew Judd. I think he has some potential but when he got defensive and acted all huffy to Jeff I think he might have put himself in some trouble.
Going out- I have been out to dinner every night for 3 days with people from work- before open house, to celebrate someone's promotion, and tonight to go see a fellow teacher in a play. I need to start eating less, exercising more! But at least I have gotten some great food and had great company!
Missed my "highly qualified" tests this morning because I am a moron so I am hoping they let me reschedule since I already paid! If only I was responsible...
Off to the theater...
I was appointed Department Chair yesterday- not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I guess it will look good on a resume but really does anyone overseas care what I do here? Oh well, I have the job so I will try and do it justice.
Open House at school was a success, of course it is the best kids whose parents show- that is why they are the best kids!! It is always nice to hear that students are learning and that they enjoy my class.
Survivor- finally started and it was great! I was totally psyched about the 2 they brought back and am in a pool at work where I drew Judd. I think he has some potential but when he got defensive and acted all huffy to Jeff I think he might have put himself in some trouble.
Going out- I have been out to dinner every night for 3 days with people from work- before open house, to celebrate someone's promotion, and tonight to go see a fellow teacher in a play. I need to start eating less, exercising more! But at least I have gotten some great food and had great company!
Missed my "highly qualified" tests this morning because I am a moron so I am hoping they let me reschedule since I already paid! If only I was responsible...
Off to the theater...
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Just Bummed
I just had an off day- I am feeling sorry for myself. I know that God loves me and wants the best for me and I am trying so hard to hold onto that. Somedays that is easy and days like today I just wish life would be done or easier. It didn't help that I felt like crap and then only 2 people from my church went to Perspectives- I was so excited to share that with them all, to share something that meant the world to me. I shouldn't take it personally and I want to trust that God called the people there who really needed to hear what the speaker had to say.
I am just full of bad crap today and pray that tomorrow is brighter and that I can stop looking only at myself and look to God's greater good in the world and in my life.
I am just full of bad crap today and pray that tomorrow is brighter and that I can stop looking only at myself and look to God's greater good in the world and in my life.
Monday, September 12, 2005
Obsessions
I was playing a game the other day with a group of friends and the fact that I have an addictive personality came up. Someone asked me what types of things I get addicted to and I said card games on the computer. Well, that same someone lent me the 2nd and 3rd seasons of Alias and let me say I am WAY addicted! I have been up WAY too late every night for the last week watching episode after episode and I just want to know what happens! I am sitting here watching tonight and wondering how my body can handle the lack of sleep-- that concern doesn't make me turn it off mind you! Another great obsession- SURVIVOR- is coming up this week and we have Open House at school-- hmm, do my job or watch my show- it's a tough one!!
Sunday, September 11, 2005
30's
It is official, I can no longer say that I am anything but "in my 30's". How did I get this old- I feel very young, I act young, then I see high school and college kids and wonder- when did I get this old?
I can't seem to concentrate on anything this weekend and thus have gotten very little done-- what is going on in my brain?
I went out Friday with people from work and someone from our overseas team showed up- it was great! I love the people I work with- I am often shocked by them and feel incredibly nieve around them but it is a good feeling most of the time- there is so much in life that I just don't want to know! Sometimes I get sucked in but most of the time I just laugh and wonder what next, or hey I didn't want to know that about you!
Comedy night tonight-- I forgot to invite people until the last minute, I forgot it was this Sunday. I have some friends from work that came before but I think they are still out of town and won't be able to make it this time. Oh well, I am still hoping people show up so we can be a family that laughs together for a night!
I can't seem to concentrate on anything this weekend and thus have gotten very little done-- what is going on in my brain?
I went out Friday with people from work and someone from our overseas team showed up- it was great! I love the people I work with- I am often shocked by them and feel incredibly nieve around them but it is a good feeling most of the time- there is so much in life that I just don't want to know! Sometimes I get sucked in but most of the time I just laugh and wonder what next, or hey I didn't want to know that about you!
Comedy night tonight-- I forgot to invite people until the last minute, I forgot it was this Sunday. I have some friends from work that came before but I think they are still out of town and won't be able to make it this time. Oh well, I am still hoping people show up so we can be a family that laughs together for a night!
Sunday, September 04, 2005
Air Supply
I went to see Air Supply tonight with a friend from work for her birthday. It was great- a blast from the past! I could remember all the boys I had a crush when each song was popular. The crowd was unexpectedly old and foreign-- I'm talking there must have been a seniors discount old. Those that weren't old were Asian. I don't know what I expected but that wasn't it. The concert was great and we had a good time!
Of course it made me want to be in love... that is a story without an end.
Of course it made me want to be in love... that is a story without an end.
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Titleless
I just realized that I haven't been using this thing and I do read a few now and then and wonder- why haven't they written?
School started this week and it went very smoothly. My dog attacked my roommates dog and that was horrible. I got free tickets to a show on the strip that was amazing. One of our house church members is off for 3 months on a new adventure and will be missed. I got to see the people whom I stayed with in India and catch up with them and find out how everyone there is doing. My roommates company was bought out so they sold all of the furniture from the model homes and I got a new couch for $100. I found out that my roommate will be moving out at the end of the month because she is taking a nanny job that will allow her to go to school full time.
Now with all of this going on and more I just feel weird, empty, and as if I am disconnected from my own life. I examine the world around me and the disaster and distruction, the love and fun, the difficulty and the triumph and I just ask- God what's going on and am I strong enough to hold onto You when it gets worse? I think I should have more emotion about things than I do. I feel like there are some great things happening in my friends lives but they require change and they require me to lose good things in my life and I want to be happy, I want to be loving, I want to be supportive but I also want to scream-- STOP CHANGING ON ME! And then I realise that I am changing too- I am getting more used to the idea that I won't be here in a few years.
I wish those who have moved and those who are getting ready to the best and hope they know how much I love them!!
School started this week and it went very smoothly. My dog attacked my roommates dog and that was horrible. I got free tickets to a show on the strip that was amazing. One of our house church members is off for 3 months on a new adventure and will be missed. I got to see the people whom I stayed with in India and catch up with them and find out how everyone there is doing. My roommates company was bought out so they sold all of the furniture from the model homes and I got a new couch for $100. I found out that my roommate will be moving out at the end of the month because she is taking a nanny job that will allow her to go to school full time.
Now with all of this going on and more I just feel weird, empty, and as if I am disconnected from my own life. I examine the world around me and the disaster and distruction, the love and fun, the difficulty and the triumph and I just ask- God what's going on and am I strong enough to hold onto You when it gets worse? I think I should have more emotion about things than I do. I feel like there are some great things happening in my friends lives but they require change and they require me to lose good things in my life and I want to be happy, I want to be loving, I want to be supportive but I also want to scream-- STOP CHANGING ON ME! And then I realise that I am changing too- I am getting more used to the idea that I won't be here in a few years.
I wish those who have moved and those who are getting ready to the best and hope they know how much I love them!!
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Back to work
My goodness, what a day. I was babysitting for my friend's kids and setting up my classroom. I just can't believe the amount of work that goes into stapeling things on the wall! I am not sure if I am ready to go back and I am nervous about making the decision to coach or not coach basketball. I have to decide soon and it would be in the best interest of my overseas team to sacrifice this part of my job that I love. It is a huge sacrifice because basketball has been such a great ministry for me but I see where greater work is in the future and I must prepare. Ohh if I could just have the words to say, answers to give, and courage to sacrifice for the Lord the way I know I am asked to...
Today I also took on the kids at House Church. I say this because I often have a bad attitude about it because it is tough to get kids of various ages and discipline to work on anything for a sustained period. I usually get frustrated and lose my love for the kids in some small ways. Tonight however, I feel like God honored my willingness to suck it up and try to love them all. The kids were great, they all worked hard, they all had good things to say, and I think the older ones actually understood what the passage we read was trying to say. Uh, to be amused by playdough and puzzles for hours- if only life was still so simple!
Today I also took on the kids at House Church. I say this because I often have a bad attitude about it because it is tough to get kids of various ages and discipline to work on anything for a sustained period. I usually get frustrated and lose my love for the kids in some small ways. Tonight however, I feel like God honored my willingness to suck it up and try to love them all. The kids were great, they all worked hard, they all had good things to say, and I think the older ones actually understood what the passage we read was trying to say. Uh, to be amused by playdough and puzzles for hours- if only life was still so simple!
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Disneyland and teenagers
I just spent two days in Disneyland with 2 teenage girls. God love my mother who used to take my sister and I on vacation alone often when my dad was working! The girls and I had a great time but really how much can one person scream on the Madahorn?
I was wondering while I walked around the park if I am going to be cut out for cross cultural living. I was struggling with close proximity the whole time we were in the park- one of the girls even commented on how I kept moving to get away from people. I know that other cultures do not have the personal space we have so that might be a really big struggle for me!
Yesterday on the 4+ hour drive home conversation seemed to focus on teen sex. I want to protect them from being used, I want them to know God's great gift of sex when it is in the confines that He set out for us. I talked about getting God's best in your life and they responded, "I know I can't wait until I am married but I will wait until I am 16, that way if I do get pregnant at least I can deal with it" WHAT?!??!?!?!?!?! I just kept telling them both all the way home (well until they fell asleep) that they are worth so much and they are loved whether guys like them or not! Their worth won't ever come from the guys who want to have sex with them or even from the guys who want to love them. As I write this I realize that these are things I struggle with also-- why is it so hard for us to know that our value is in being a child of God???
Well I must recover, do laundry and repack for the next mini vacation of summer '05!
I was wondering while I walked around the park if I am going to be cut out for cross cultural living. I was struggling with close proximity the whole time we were in the park- one of the girls even commented on how I kept moving to get away from people. I know that other cultures do not have the personal space we have so that might be a really big struggle for me!
Yesterday on the 4+ hour drive home conversation seemed to focus on teen sex. I want to protect them from being used, I want them to know God's great gift of sex when it is in the confines that He set out for us. I talked about getting God's best in your life and they responded, "I know I can't wait until I am married but I will wait until I am 16, that way if I do get pregnant at least I can deal with it" WHAT?!??!?!?!?!?! I just kept telling them both all the way home (well until they fell asleep) that they are worth so much and they are loved whether guys like them or not! Their worth won't ever come from the guys who want to have sex with them or even from the guys who want to love them. As I write this I realize that these are things I struggle with also-- why is it so hard for us to know that our value is in being a child of God???
Well I must recover, do laundry and repack for the next mini vacation of summer '05!
Sunday, July 31, 2005
I just spent some time reading others' blogs and find it so interesting. I was interested enough to want to post some comments and consequently signed myself up!
I just finished teaching summer school to Special Ed elementary children and have a renewed sense of the urgency to love God's children. If there is anything in my life I can do to usher in the Kingdom of God I pray that I have the strength and wisdom to do it. I had some 4th and 5th grade students who were able to justify murder based on one person having "stepped up and disrespecting the other dude, he deserved to be shot for that". I also had a student who has been so badly damaged in his life that he mimicks sex on objects and others and is allowed a pillow and blanket for when he is anxious (4th grade, not Kindergarten). One student told me that he wanted to have 5 kids when he grew up just to be safe so that they could take care of each other when they got jumped. This is it folks- these kids have never seen love that is honest, love that is comforting, love that doesn't hurt, love that is forgiving. They have never seen Jesus face to face. I am praying for them and hope that one day they will know True Love.
I have also had some scarey blind dating experiences this summer. Let me just say that being single and over 30 sucks, not because I don't believe that God will provide for me but because everyone and their mother (or mother-in-law as the case may be) will try to set you up! I love the care behind people trying to set me up and I am honored that they would trust me with their friends and family but it is not a fun or easy thing to do! The first one was a disaster culminating in me calling Zach and laughing hysterically over the whole horrifying event! (It was late and I knew Zach would be up!) The second was fun, awkward, interesting. I am thankful because it gave me renewed hope in dating in general! He lives in California and has emailed me asking about my religious beliefs- something we didn't discuss while he was here. I am encouraged by the questions and think the discussions from this point on should be interesting!
I am so thankful to Jesus for my place in life where I get to love people who make me crazy only through His strength!
Until whenever,
Susie
I just finished teaching summer school to Special Ed elementary children and have a renewed sense of the urgency to love God's children. If there is anything in my life I can do to usher in the Kingdom of God I pray that I have the strength and wisdom to do it. I had some 4th and 5th grade students who were able to justify murder based on one person having "stepped up and disrespecting the other dude, he deserved to be shot for that". I also had a student who has been so badly damaged in his life that he mimicks sex on objects and others and is allowed a pillow and blanket for when he is anxious (4th grade, not Kindergarten). One student told me that he wanted to have 5 kids when he grew up just to be safe so that they could take care of each other when they got jumped. This is it folks- these kids have never seen love that is honest, love that is comforting, love that doesn't hurt, love that is forgiving. They have never seen Jesus face to face. I am praying for them and hope that one day they will know True Love.
I have also had some scarey blind dating experiences this summer. Let me just say that being single and over 30 sucks, not because I don't believe that God will provide for me but because everyone and their mother (or mother-in-law as the case may be) will try to set you up! I love the care behind people trying to set me up and I am honored that they would trust me with their friends and family but it is not a fun or easy thing to do! The first one was a disaster culminating in me calling Zach and laughing hysterically over the whole horrifying event! (It was late and I knew Zach would be up!) The second was fun, awkward, interesting. I am thankful because it gave me renewed hope in dating in general! He lives in California and has emailed me asking about my religious beliefs- something we didn't discuss while he was here. I am encouraged by the questions and think the discussions from this point on should be interesting!
I am so thankful to Jesus for my place in life where I get to love people who make me crazy only through His strength!
Until whenever,
Susie
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)