Struggling

I am having such a hard time lately thinking about going to India. I don't want to go, I want to fall in love, I want to get married, I want to become an administrator, I want to see a successful school program that I helped put together, I want to continue to build my relationships at work and church, I want to tell God no. What I want doesn't matter- I have to submit, I have to be willing to do whatever God asks of me even when I don't understand it. I know that God's best is the goal, I know that going for what I want isn't going to get me what I need. I don't know where the passion for missions has gone, I don't know why I can't get it back, I don't know what it was at the beginning that made me feel called to this team and this mission. The fact is that I did feel called and I am going to continue to pray to hear God's voice in the whole thing. Questioning is good but I have to continue to pray for the ability to hear God when I want to scream running in the other direction.